Check out some of the interesting calls that the Greeley-Evans Police responded to between December 28 and December 30, 2015. You really can’t make this stuff up.

Monday, December 28

10:15 a.m.: Greeley police responded to 23rd Avenue and U.S. 34 bypass for a report of a man who “looks like he is walking without a purpose.”

12:30 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 2600 block of 1st Street for a report of a man passed out on the caller’s couch. The caller said the man was about to have a warrant issued out of Larimer County, and he wanted Greeley police to come arrest him.

3:30 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 2100 block of 26th Avenue Court for a report of a renter who said he had to leave the state because of threats he was getting from his drug-dealing landlord.

5:15 p.m.: Greeley police responded to 10th Street and 27th Avenue for a large gathering of people the caller thought was targeting a specific individual. “It’s a community thing,” the caller reported. “It’s mobbing or harassing within the community.”

6:15 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 2000 block of Beech Avenue for a report of an uncle who was beating his niece and her mom. When officers arrived, they talked to the caller, the mother, who was not sober. The mother and her daughter showed no signs of abuse, and she recanted her story.

8:45 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 200 block of 50th Avenue to speak to a resident who wanted to know “where he stands” after his dog attacked another dog. Earlier that day, the caller’s dog bit a neighbor’s dog, which had to be taken to the vet. After the vet’s visit, the neighbor returned and threatened to sue the caller if he didn’t pay the bill. The caller has an electric fence that his dog doesn’t cross, which means the neighbor’s dog was technically trespassing. The caller didn’t want to pay the vet’s bill, and asked police what they thought he should do. They told him to call an attorney.

Tuesday, December 29

4:15 a.m.: Greeley police responded to the Weld County Jail for a report of a man who was standing outside “for a very long time,” but never received any help from anyone inside. Deputies at the booking desk said they never noticed the man outside, and that he never tried to call them on the speaker box next to the front door. There is a sign that reads, “If you need help, press this button.”

1:15 p.m.: Greeley police responded to a furniture store in the 2800 block of 35th Avenue for a report of a man standing outside with a sign warning potential customers to “read the fine print.” The caller, a store employee, wanted to know if the man could legally stand outside with his sign.

1:30 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 1400 block of 102nd Avenue for an animal complaint. The caller told police a neighbor has two dogs; one that always is inside and the other that always is outside. The caller dialed 911 after she witnessed the inside dog push the outside dog through the doggie door, as it was attempting to come in from the cold.

5:30 p.m.: Greeley police responded to an animal hospital in the 8200 block of 20th Street for a report of someone who had urinated a pentagram and 666 in the snow.

Wednesday, December 30

8 a.m.: Greeley police spoke to a woman at the department who wanted advice about how to let her roommate down easy. The woman told police she had been intimate with her roommate on two occasions, but was no longer interested in his cuddling.

10:15 a.m.: Greeley police responded to the 3100 block of 49th Avenue Court for a report of a man who wanted his mother evicted because she threatened his wife.